Over The Hill

From time to time I will create artwork/poetry for others on their birthdays or for Christmas. This one I wrote on my 45th birthday. For me.

 

It’s a girl!

Crawl…

Walk…

Blissfield Royals and back-flips; pom-poms and proms.

Step…

Nursing school and we don’t know what’s wrong with you. Medical tests with no answers. Just scared.

Step…

Disease discovered and meds that change everything. Too far behind and I have to catch up. Study and work til at last, I can walk in my cap with my class. 

Step…

Hi, I’m John, nice to meet you.

And I do.

Step…

We see two heartbeats! Pure joy. A girl and a boy.

Step…

Tar Heels and twin moms and I understand. A house full of crazy and messy, but fun.

Step…

It’s a boy!  Now we’re complete.

Step…

I’m just so tired and can’t seem to get up. I’m pleading for help and alone here again. This disease, no one understands how it feels to succumb.

Step…

More medications and moon face. Control is long gone. Not sure how long I can hold on. There are long hospital days and painful days. And dark days that stay.

Step…

The minute I’m back, we need to admit him.  Worry and heartache and I am so sorry.

I say goodbye to my daddy.

Step…

I fight to keep going and days slowly get brighter. Running with friends and kids growing up. Beach days and soccer games and grateful for John.

Step…

Docs say that to have a long life without cancer, I must lighten my load. No choice, really, my breasts have to go. Inner strength and courage took my hand that day.  And led the way.

Step…

Asking for help and caring for me. I finally see how necessary. Searching for answers and That’s our time for today. I wish it were easy. I hope this self-compassion will stay.

Step…

As I pause at the top of the hill, the view below is astounding. I know the trail down won’t be easy, so I’ll keep watch on my footing.

But to see how far I have come?

I’ve won.

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6 Responses to Over The Hill

  1. Linda says:

    I love it!! Nothing more to say……you said it all. And I love you!

  2. Kim Glasser says:

    Thank you for sharing. Life has been a struggle recently and I really needed to read this! 😢😊❤️ -Kim

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  3. Rosemary Boutt says:

    Susie, I did think of you on your birthday this week and then this post appeared – what talent! Wishing you all the best,Rosemary Boutt

    From: SpoonsAndArmor To: r_boutt@yahoo.com Sent: Thursday, May 18, 2017 1:42 PM Subject: [New post] Over The Hill #yiv9229275590 a:hover {color:red;}#yiv9229275590 a {text-decoration:none;color:#0088cc;}#yiv9229275590 a.yiv9229275590primaryactionlink:link, #yiv9229275590 a.yiv9229275590primaryactionlink:visited {background-color:#2585B2;color:#fff;}#yiv9229275590 a.yiv9229275590primaryactionlink:hover, #yiv9229275590 a.yiv9229275590primaryactionlink:active {background-color:#11729E;color:#fff;}#yiv9229275590 WordPress.com | spoonsandarmor posted: “From time to time I will create artwork/poetry for others on their birthdays or for Christmas. This one I wrote on my 45th birthday. For me. It’s a girl!Crawl…Walk…Blissfield Royals and back-flips; pom-poms and proms.Step…Nursing school” | |

  4. Britt Barnett says:

    Beautiful 🙏🏼Love your words

  5. Cheryl Hudson says:

    Susie!!! Tears, smiles, understanding. Beautifully said.

  6. Dad D. says:

    Great introspection. I’m sure that’s what keeps you going.

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