Past ready

Time is such a funny concept for me.  I have been counting days for maybe the past week.  My mind will think – okay, 4 nights to go…what was I doing 4 nights ago?  Does it seem like a long time since then?  A short time?  Then, last night (or early this morning) when I couldn’t sleep I realized that tonight (one night to go) is just last night and so we are there.

My surgery will start at 7:15 am tomorrow morning.  I need to be there at 6 am.  I am sorted, organized, packed and ready.  I am past ready.  Ready to go, ready to be done, recover and move on.   If only it were that easy, right?

I had probably the happiest day I have had in a very long time on Friday.  I am so grateful that during all the emotional/physical upheaval of the past month, I had a day to relax and just be happy.  My sweet friend, Robin Lin ( did a photo shoot with  me for some “before” shots.  I had asked her weeks ago if she had ever done a before/after session for a woman getting a double mastectomy and although she hadn’t, she offered to help capture this process for me.  We laughed through a lot of it, quiet through the rest.  It was calming, sad, silly and empowering all at once.  I could easily shed tears thinking about how much stronger I have become through this process.  What a gift.

S06              S05 (1)

All is well.  My sister is downstairs making dinner, my mom was here for grocery shopping and I am surrounded by my sweet family.  I will update as soon as I am able, and hopefully it won’t be too many days from now.  I know I have said a million times how up and down my emotions have been the past few weeks, even the past few hours.  But right now I am feeling really strong.  And I have all of you to thank for helping me get here.

If it’s a broken part, replace it.  If it’s a broken arm, then brace it.  If it’s a broken heart, then face it. –Jason Mraz

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9 Responses to Past ready

  1. Kim Glasser says:

    We are all with you and your sweet family during this journey. Know you are surrounded by love, held up in prayer and available for any request no matter how big or small. You are not alone. Your friends and family are here for you. You’ve got this!

  2. tkilgallen says:

    go susie go!! we are all there with you! love you friend.

  3. Carleen says:

    Take care, dear Susie. You have a force of love behind you.

  4. Susan says:

    Good luck on the next phase of this journey. I am realizing through dealing with some major health problems of my parents, that the process does remind one of what’s important, such as family, and friends. A whole lot of little things seems less important.

  5. Anne Kenney says:

    Susie, I just read all your blogs and it is bringing tears to my eyes. I am sorry that you are going through this and sorry that I didn’t realize until now. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers for tomorrow and the next few weeks. I have spent the last year here in 29 Palms, helping my best friend go through breast cancer treatment. She was 36 last year when she was diagnosed and just finished 18 rounds of chemotherapy, followed by a double mastectomy followed by reconstruction. She starts radiation in 3 weeks followed by a lifetime of hormone therapy. While I cannot imagine what you are going through, I know what you face. Please let me know if you would like to talk to my friend. She has been through every range of emotions this past year but has been the strongest person I can ever imagine being through it all. She was very prepared to have the surgery and thought after losing hair it would be no big deal but emotionally it was difficult. I know she would be a good resource for you to talk to if you need it. I will say extra prayers for you tonight and will think of you often. If you want some humor, for 3 weeks we called my friend Jess, a T REX because she was swinging her T REX arms around (because she couldn’t lift them). It brought her some humor when she needed it and gave her caregivers some levity as well. So when you are home and rested, tell Chloe, Carter and Keaton that you are moving like a dinosaur! 🙂 This sounds totally ridiculous as I am writing it but any levity now may bring you a little smile right! Again, message me if you want someone to talk through that is young, a mother and went through something similar. Thinking of you! Anne

  6. Leslie says:

    You’ve been on my mind and in my prayers so much lately, and will continue to be during this next step. It’s good to hear and know that you’re ready. And great to hear that you’re surrounded by loved ones who are actively and actionally (not a word but it should be) loving you.

  7. sherylfowler says:

    Susie, you are foremost in my thoughts and I applaud your courage. You are not alone in a journey into the unknown. If it’s of comfort, check out my blog here on wordpress at A Widow At Midlife, or on facebook by the same name. Facebook blog is better. Our journeys are unique but there are so many things we can learn from each other. Best to you.

  8. John A. Erdmann says:

    You will be fine Susie and you will find the Journey ended with you having your life back again!


  9. Leigh Wynkoop says:

    Susie, I just got word of this. Hang tough. I applaud your courage. I was diagnosed with ADH last summer and I understand your decision entirely. This will be one very big thing to cross off your worry list once you are through the recovery phase. And he mourning is real too. But, looking forward, will hope good will come from this!

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